Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In America we eat man semen.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
