I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
