Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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