I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
