You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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