I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i think i just lost a toe
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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