Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
