and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
