I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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