i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
