did you get engaged???
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
