Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
