I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
