i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
