Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
