hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
