people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
