currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
