So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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