I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is my gift to your gina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
