wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
a search helicopter?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
