That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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