It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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