my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
