i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
