Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
