If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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