Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
