brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
