i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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