Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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