I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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