why didn't you poke me back
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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