Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
