hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
