Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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