it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just high enough for therapy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
