Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
do nipples grow back?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
