Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
