if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
