You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
