Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
