I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
