I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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