i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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