Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
