I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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