I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
