Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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