Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
