Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
